I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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