once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
