Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
