hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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