Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
