I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
