He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Can Purell be used as lube?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
