The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he thought i was a dude.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
