were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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