Barsexuality is the new black.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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