i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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