....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dick very happy bro
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
