You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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