Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
