508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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