dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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