The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
