I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
