just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
