I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize