is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
