Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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