I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
