I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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