too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The Olympian is in my bed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
