I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
