My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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