ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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