All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
