oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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