your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize