I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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