come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
COCAINE IS GR8