Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
