i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
