Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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