i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
