i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
