yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
