my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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