so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
