Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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