I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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