you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
