the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
