I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
