If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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