I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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