I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
