Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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