Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
