Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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