Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
