I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
