Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
