i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize