He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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