I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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