shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
that is very illegal...i love you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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