Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
