I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
